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Tell me

Without announcement, he tapped the wooden frame with a tip of his boot and you opened the door to find him standing there with his usual sullen expression and a dark green cape wrapped tightly around his shoulders. He smelled like horses, sweat, gunpowder and things too sinister to name.

If he had come to you directly after mission before cleaning himself up, it must have been really bad.

„Levi.“ you said, letting him in and bolting the door, providing a safe heaven. He strode in without a greeting and stopped in the middle of the room, pieces of caked mud marking his every step across the floor. Illuminated by a hearth on the far wall, his features were collected and expressionless, marked by his cold, attentive eyes. The eyes that made you uneasy inside, even after all this time.

With a sweep of one arm he flicked the cape over his shoulder, freeing his hands. Like he just saw them for the first time, he brought them closer to his face and carefully inspected tiny cuts, blisters and grime that covered them.

„Fucking monsters.“ he spat out in a low, accusatory tone, his dismal gaze darting to fleetingly meet yours for the first time with a look of thinly masked helplessness. The cracks in his front were starting to show so you wordlessly helped him remove the cape and his sweat soaked jacked. He didn't protest, talk or step back, he didn't look at you. His limbs willingly cooperated, going through the motions as you unclasped the maneuver gear belts, unbuttoned his shirt and peeled it off his back, speckled with yellow patches of sweat and dirt. He helped you take off his dusty boots, the whiteness of the uniform underneath them in stark contrast with the rest of the formerly white cloth. He must have been too tired to even stand but his body refused to show any fatigue, patiently waiting for your hands to finish their job.

You undid his pants and slid them down his thighs, then undressed him completely until he was standing, stark naked, before you. There were no sexual allusions between you, at this point he was merely tolerating your assistance. Or so he would have you believe. His chin was somewhat lowered and tilted to side, the slick, dark hair conveniently covering his eyes and you were once again astounded by his exposed, delicate neck and seemingly frail built. This was a body built for speed and nimbleness - with wiry, slim limbs, layers of taut muscles on a small frame - and you have witnessed, first hand, what it could do in action. But, seeing it motionless, bare and vulnerable, covered in dirt and bruises, fighting with the last pieces of strength it could muster just to stand upright before you, it took all you got not to protectively embrace him.

But reaching out now would be a mistake.

Instead, you took a sponge from a washing basing on the table, squeezed excess water out of it and slowly took it to his flat chest. The water was pleasantly lukewarm and the sponge soft, but touching the tired, tortured flesh must have hurt. If it brought him pain or relief, he didn’t let it show, stoically bearing your effort to erase telltale memories etched onto him.

After you finished with removing the layer of sweat and blood mixed with dirt, you heard him say in a flat voice.

“It is not done yet. Rub harder.”

You opened your mouth to say something, then closed it and just nodded. You soaked the sponge in water again, squeezed and rubbed it against the skin between his shoulder blades so hard it left red traces behind, matching the bright marks of maneuver gear belts that snaked across his body. You carried on, pressing your mouth into a tight, bloodless line, hurting his pale skin with every thorough sweep. Your hand revisited his skinny hips and long limbs, flat stomach and sharply outlined collarbones, taking great care not to leave a patch of skin uncovered.

You were kneeling and finishing washing his legs when you heard a raw voice above you. “Please, do it one mo…”

“Levi,” you whispered hesitantly, putting the sponge down, “you are clean.” You looked up to meet his gaze half-hidden behind black bangs. His eyes were as dark and broody as always, but they lacked the coldness they displayed outside this room. He looked at you with a silent plead too embarrassing to utter aloud.

“You are clean.” you repeated more firmly, looking him in the eye, getting up and lightly touching his naked elbow with your fingers.  “Come.” you said softly, pulling him towards the bed. By the way he trembled under your fingertips, you knew the cracks were widening, splitting open into a chasm. “Come on.”

His body complied as if moving through water, shuffling in small, uncertain steps across the floor. He sat down heavily on the bedding, his shoulders sunken and back crooked. Your light touch urged him to lie down on his back and you stretched on your side beside him, your hand caressing his chest. Patiently. You remained still for an indefinite period of time, measuring it only by his slow and even heartbeats.

„Tell me.“ you eventually said, studying his profile.

Levi’s eyes were fixed on the ceiling and nothing indicated he had heard you. After several long moments, he started talking in an emotionless voice.

“Seventeen died, fifteen were wounded. Six of them will never fight again.” words rolled off his tongue matter-of-factly, detached, like he was giving a report. You listened without a comment, your fingers comfortingly sliding up and down his skin. His heartbeat was becoming irregular.

“I saved three. One of them… I wish I had not.” there was a glint in his eye as he continued in a flat voice, his orbs unmoving. “I broke the formation and entered the fray from the eastern side to avoid having the Sun in my eyes. I took down two fifteen-meter ones and went after an abnormal I spotted.” Without a warning, a single tear slid down from the corner of his eye.

“It was a crawler.” he accounted dryly. “I made him a priority and chased him down, disregarding easier targets. It was after a refugee caravan and I knew I had to catch up with it before it reached civilians. I cut him down and returned to be told that three of my squad members have been dismembered in the meantime. We couldn’t retrieve all their body parts.”

The pillow beneath his head was now wet with tears but he didn’t seem to notice. “The second batch attacked then, outnumbering us three to one. By the time we turned defense to offense, the caravan had been wiped out.” His voice trembled, then gave out. He swallowed dryly and continued in a strained tone.

“I went into a berserk mode, hacking and slicing at the monsters, shredding them to pieces. Destroying them wasn’t enough, I wanted to hurt, punish.... I don’t remember much… Everyone gave me a wide berth, fled away… Their faces, like they saw a…” he paused and collected himself. “By the evening we annihilated every found threat and collected the… the bodies. Seventeen died, fifteen were…” he trailed off, his face contorting with pain he could no longer contain. Silent tears turned into loud wails of grief and rage.

“I can’t show them this!” He angrily wiped the tears from his eyes, but they kept overflowing. Corporal Levi, the humanity’s strongest, naked and drained, started weeping openly and inconsolably like an abandoned child. You held your hand firmly pressed against his chest, over his heart, biting back your own tears. He needed to feel you there, to have an anchor in this storm of madness. The burden of hope and expectations he bore was threatening to pull him beneath the waves.

His pale and haunted face turned to you with a tortured glare, “Do you think I am becoming a monster?”

You shook your head sadly, “Monsters aren’t mortified by fear when they fight or drowned in grief and guilt when they don’t.”

“People, friends… die before my eyes, every time. I can never be fast enough or ferocious enough.” he lamented in a broken voice, “I can never be enough!”

“No, you cannot.” you said gravely, “Because regardless of how good you are, you are but a mere man.”

He looked at his hands, the fingers half bent like claws, and balled them into fists. “You don’t understand.” he said dejectedly, “You are not there.”

“You are right, I don’t understand. Nobody can understand. On the battlefield, you are always alone.” your fingers cupped one of his fists, one of his perfectly honed weapons, and brought it to your chest, “I can only love you.”

Just like that, in a blink on an eye, the last of his front peeled away, all traces of cynicism and hardness from his eyes gone. What was left was worse - pain, loss and raw desperation. Levi’s usually smooth, expressionless face twisted in a mask of grief, the walls of aloofness crumbling down around him. His body turned to yours and he pressed his forehead against your bosom, shaking with bitter sobs. All you could do is embrace his trembling shoulders and wait for the pent up avalanche to pass.

He took a long time to calm down and then he remained lying in a fetal position, his head cradled in the warm nook your body provided between your breasts and your belly. The cracks were patched. For now.

“If you love me, you will only get hurt.” he said in a tired, drained voice. You smiled wryly, sliding your fingers through his silky tresses.

“Only monsters don’t get hurt.” you said under breath, placing a tender kiss on his forehead. Levi tilted his chin to meet your gaze with eyes that shone out uncharacteristic softness and stroked your cheek with the back of his calloused fingers, careful not to hurt you with their roughness.

“Tell me…” his lips whispered in a tender, hesitant voice that none of his comrades would have recognized as corporal Levi’s. “Can a mere man love you more than he can hurt you?”

“He already is.” you mouthed quietly, pressing his fingers firmly to your cheek. “He already is.”
I had set out to write a hardcore lemon and ended up with this hurt/comfort piece Oops!  (I blame it on the incessant rain today and 'I wanna be yours' by Arctic Monkeys playing on repeat).

Boooh, I need some chocolate and a warm blanket now that I’ve finished it Meow :3

The display pic I found on the net but under several sources so if anyone knows for sure whom it belongs to, please give a shout so I can credit the author   (UPDATE: The artist is found: KAZEKI. And from what I've seen browsing the net, an insanely talented one as well. Thanks for the tip lipslock  :) )


My NSFW fics can be found on AO3 at archiveofourown.org/users/Falc…
Add a Comment:
 
:icondualwolves:
DualWolves Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2014  Student General Artist
I love how there are those tale-tale few writers that look at a situation from a different point of view. I love how this story was refreshingly different and gave reader an inside into the broken mind of the proclaimed "Humanity's Strongest". I am enlightened by the idea that even the strongest of beings are bound to break and that every man (whether male or female) has the right to break down on occasion. And as the story goes.... no one is ever, truely fixed.
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:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014
And I love your comment! Thank you  Hug 
Reply
:iconxnarttu:
xNarttu Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014
Wow :oops:
This was so beautiful, it actually made me cry!
The way you described the pain those soldiers must go through, the pressure placed on the survivors and the talented. It was all just really beautiful and perfect. It's all quite depressing when I really think about it.

It's a good thing this fandom has so many silly things going on in it to lighten up the mood sometimes lol
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014
It is depressing and since the plot is so fast paced I don't think it gets registered at all. Thank you for kudos I am a dummy! 
Reply
:iconhorseluv1223:
horseluv1223 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
KYAAAAAAH! omg i love this *glomps* THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Those feels tho :')
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014
Adorable Girl Anime Emoji (Heart Dance) [V6] 
Reply
:iconhorseluv1223:
horseluv1223 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
DEM FEELZ. I SHALL FEEL ALL OF DEM. the feels Danisnotonfire: FEELS Walking llama Walking llama Walking llama It was beautiful
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014
Huggle! 
Reply
:iconheartshackles:
Heartshackles Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh my goodness, all the feels! That was beautifully written. I'd like to believe Levi does have moments to himself that he doesn't want to publicize. It's said that he hates casualties, one can only guess how much. Good job with all the describing, I could really feel the pain.
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014
*melts*  Thank you! Adorable Girl Anime Emoji (Heart Dance) [V6] 
Reply
:iconminsugaaar:
minsugaaar Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
This was amazing~ <3
Reply
:iconshadowluna2012:
shadowluna2012 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2014
Damn gurl, this was incredible! Like, my heart broke halfway and may not recover...
Reply
:iconlovelyvee16:
Lovelyvee16 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Student
I so wanted to cry that was beautiful! :'3
Reply
:iconsatanyo:
Satanyo Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow, this is amazing.
Reply
:iconcapt-saurus:
capt-saurus Featured By Owner May 29, 2014
I love this. I can't find words to tell you how much I love it. I've read it a bunch and I only found it two days ago .-.
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner May 30, 2014
Roses 
Reply
:iconkokoa--shuzen:
Kokoa--Shuzen Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014
Love this was so emotional i just love itHeart 
Reply
:iconlex-le-azazel:
Lex-Le-Azazel Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014  Student Digital Artist
i have no comments or ways to express how amazing this is.
*usually i just fav and read the next one*
but this is heart warming and very touching. :iconblushthanksplz: 
you can easily read out both the reader's and Levi's emotions 
and the details of the story was just right for that emotion to flow out 
this is so sweet :iconcutiesmileplz: 
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014
THANK YOU!!
Reply
:iconlex-le-azazel:
Lex-Le-Azazel Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014  Student Digital Artist
you're welcome
a person that can write a something like this deserves a praise 
especially one that is as good as yours 

*im the one that usually faves and reads another fanfic*

so you know how well the fanfic is done to make me comment about it
Reply
:iconsoulevans12:
SoulEvans12 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
:iconslowclapplz: Absolutely, amazingly written, nice details, and overall I, I'm speechless at how amazing this.
Reply
:iconsunnshinerae:
SunnshineRae Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
ABSOLUTELY. AMAZING. The detail in this story is incredible. I felt like I was reading a novel! Do you plan on continuing this story???
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
Umm, no, sorry SunnshineRAe :| (Blank Stare) it is a fragment-of-life story. I may be writing more Levi related ones but it will not necessarily be in the same AU.

Thank you for asking, though Love 
Reply
:icontejinagirlforever:
TejinaGirlForever Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
Oh God, it's too awesome...
Reply
:iconkeira-giordano:
Keira-Giordano Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014  Student Writer
AAWWW SHIET!! this is the first time i read a Levi fanfic....so far...it was AWESOME!!
Reply
:iconnero-angelo-tala:
nero-angelo-tala Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is just absolutely touching, raw, believable emotion. I just, I can't describe how much I truly felt its just there you got me feeling . Just astounding. The detail . Just well portrayed.
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
Love :happybounce:   How can I be anything than thrilled by such comments? Thank you!
Reply
:iconbloodviperidae:
BloodViperidae Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student Filmographer
AWWWWWW.....
please.. you ,must continue your writing career... This shit is moving....
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014
:happybounce:  yay you made my day! I don't think this fandom will bore me anytime soon, so... :D (Big Grin) 
Reply
:iconbloodviperidae:
BloodViperidae Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student Filmographer
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconluna-mini-milka:
Luna-Mini-Milka Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It's amazing how you wrote Levi without making him seem OOC at all. I am truly amazed right now. Thank you for this wonderful fanfic :'3
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014
awwww thanks  Huggle!
Reply
:iconluna-mini-milka:
Luna-Mini-Milka Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! :3 Chili Anime Emoji (Snuggy hug) [V2] 
Reply
:iconsilviamarti:
SilviaMarti Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Very nice <3
Reply
:iconkirepapa:
KirePapa Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This was really sad but also beautiful T___T Thank you for sharing! I love all your stories!! <3
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:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
Hug 
Reply
:iconkirepapa:
KirePapa Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconrubcheeksplz:
Reply
:iconkaoru-reisaki:
kaoru-reisaki Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I saw this on the side-panel and I thought it was some random artist, but YOU!? YOU!? 

I need to check my Deviant Watch more... >.>

Awesome piece! I love the emotions! I have been looking for one that doesn’t involve lemon much... this is utterly beautiful. 

To my favs... 
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
Thank you. It was supposed to be smut but derailed of its own. I guess this story wanted to be written instead ;) (Wink) 
Reply
:iconkaoru-reisaki:
kaoru-reisaki Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
HAHAHA!!!! I bet it was supposed to be smut due to popular demand... hehe :P

But this is no less sweeter! ;) 
Reply
:iconresistanceisfutilexp:
ResistanceisFutileXP Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2014  Hobbyist
By god, that was just so beautiful. There's just no other word I can use to describe it.
Reply
:iconfairly-fantasies:
Fairly-Fantasies Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist
I didn't know bout Levi till now xD glad I did somehow this is emotional
Reply
:iconcherrypop105:
Cherrypop105 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
So. Much. Feels. Rlytear 
Reply
:iconlipslock:
lipslock Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer

Art belongs to KAZEKI
she is no longer on deviantart or tumblr.
Reply
:iconkaoru-reisaki:
kaoru-reisaki Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
BUT I WANT THAT LEVI... ;_;
Reply
:iconjastrebica:
Jastrebica Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014
Thank you, I will update! :) (Smile)
Reply
:iconmuzaiko:
muzaiko Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Student Digital Artist
There are real tears running down my face. It's so adorable QAQ
Reply
:iconsillystorm28:
sillystorm28 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
*flails* 
Reply
:iconamanda-kn:
Amanda-kn Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Student General Artist
So adorable Cheerleader 
Reply
:iconteenytinytitan:
TeenyTinyTitan Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
this is one of the strongest and most moving pieces I have ever read about levi. Its amazing how you captured this side of him we rarely see. fantastic work!
Reply
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